...that sound like they have more than one meaning
The long running BBC Radio Show 'I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue' features a round called 'Uxbridge English Dictionary'. In it, the panellists must suggest alternative definitions for existing English words. For instance, 'lymph' has been redefined as 'to walk with a lisp', whilst 'crackerjack' has been said to be 'a device for lifting biscuits'. Below are a few (well, 100+ actually) words I have made up alternative definitions for when I have found the inspiration. Apologies if any bear any semblance to something someone else may have written. I can assure everyone that they were written in good faith and independently of any outside influence. It's just a bit of fun really. Why not have a go yourself and see what you can come up with?
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Sycophants - what the Aardvark occasionally tells his Mrs after a night out eating the same old thing
Animator - former Eurythmics singer is thinking of going on the road again Dismantle - speak badly of, and generally run down the ornamental facing around a fireplace Candid - the mind's instinctive unconscious energies.......now available in a handy-sized tin! Benefactor - tv talent show where the judges searched for vocalists who can emulate the American soul singer famous for 'Stand by Me' Metaphor - bumped into someone who, one a scale of 1 to 10, wasn't very good looking Justice - merely some frozen water Intestate - munched on a sandwich during an exam Flatulent - the set of rooms for living in that are part of a larger building that you let a friend use whilst you were away Brandish - something you should try to have every morning in order to 'keep you regular' Melancholy - a tiny sculpture of a sheepdog carved out of a large, sweet flavoured breakfast fruit Infantile - one of many flat pieces of wood used as a floor covering in a child's nursery Metronome - garden ornament that spends a lot of it's time and money on shopping for its appearance Rebellion - a large animal of the cat family that could be king of the jungle if only it didn't insist on rejecting convention Flagellation - the happiness and excitement I experience when seeing a piece of cloth attached to a pole as a patriotic emblem Highlights - just another name for lampposts Carbuncle - what we call my mum's brother due to his obsession with the Atkins diet Bantered - forbid people from passing solids into your toilet Culottes - spend a lot of your life patiently standing in line Extraditions - maypole dancing, bear baiting, cock fighting, that sort of stuff Plaintiff - a rather boring argument between two lovers Decorator - punch a normally skilful public speaker in the face after they go on for a bit too long and start to annoy you Chagrin - you 'pulled' someone at a nightclub and were on a promise, but when they saw your face under the streetlights they scarpered Brunette - another name for a tea strainer, particularly popular up North Solitude - how the Jewish man at my table in the restaurant last night ate his food Chastise - what Camilla calls Prince Charles secret stash of novelty neckwear Forensic - the vomit of a person from another country Vagrant - an excitable but absent-minded, not at all clear verbal outburst Seersucker - Bye, loser! Incandescent - modern twist on the age old practice of going over a waterfall in a barrel Fertile - flooring material from the middle ages that never really caught on Potent - what a red Teletubby sleeps in outdoors Milkshake - Arab chief who made his fortune out of cows rather than oil Fervent - an ermine lined heating duct Continue - the nasty side of a person of northern origin Meander - lazy form of 'My wife & I' Transcribe - gentleman writer who likes dressing up as a lady Barbecue - line of people waiting to have their hair cut Alcove - someone who's said to be 'a very splendid fellow indeed' when drunk Probiotic - In favour of the six million dollar man Frankincense - the permanent state of mind of The late Mike Reid's Eastenders character Sycophancy - term applied to women who take a shine to, write to and sometimes marry mass murderers etc. Inarticulate - Someone who drives a lorry for a living Legislate - Heather Mills worst nightmare when ordering a new prosthetic limb from a firm that guaranteed next day delivery Mutiny - a can of Australian cat food Improper - in folklore, a person employed to lasso mischievous small creatures possessing magical powers Carnation - what we've become despite people banging on about environmental footprints and global warming etc. Dogmatic - a twitch brought on by stating your opinion forcefully or arrogantly Incumbent - money earned is dodgy Radical - A tiny radish Vibrant - a tirade of vitriol directed specifically towards a percussion instrument in the mallet sub-family Frequent - the mad/irritating person who has been pissing you off all evening just left the building Adventure - Yuletide calendar featuring 25 tiny images of former Ultravox front man and LiveAid good egg Midge Pungent - A posh comedian who uses words to exploit double meanings. Tim Vine for instance Focussed - When someone says something particularly nasty about an enemy of theirs Oblige - the Irish branch of Mary J's family Rucksack - a bag that's always looking for a fight Medic - slang for one's penis Harbinger - a coastal dweller who drinks to excess whenever there is a sea mist coming in off the North Sea Callousness - particularly cruel monster that lives in a Scottish lake, allegedly Crackdown - the hair found between your butt cheeks Coypu - a rather shy turd Acupuncture - someone who randomly hits people whilst they are patiently waiting in an orderly line |
Culmination - what some seals call Canada
Pending - the sound an instrument for writing with ink makes when you tap it against a glass Penitent - where 1p coins sleep when they go on a camping holiday Midriff - halfway through a short repeated rock melody Protuberant - in favour of the nutters that I always sit next to by mistake being able to shout inanely on underground trains Bukkake - deride and shout disapproval at a hard wearing dull yellowish brown fabric generally used to make military uniforms Diabetes - pass away having spent a lifetime making fun of/annoying the insects that make wax and honey Oxymoron - a rather dim person who looks like a bull Manifest - musical extravaganza to celebrate the work of Primal Scream's bass player Alter ego - a particularly big headed man of the cloth Rind - word meaning circle shaped or spherical in Northern Ireland Medallion - this large animal of the cat family is very good at what it does and wears a disc shaped metallic ornament on a chain around its neck to prove it Informant - a small insect that lives in highly organised colonies and is currently at the top of its game Porcupine - a vegetarian who fondly remembers all the chops and sausages they used to enjoy and suddenly develops a great yearning for them Indices - where you'll find a lot of Caribbean holidaymakers frolicking Mullet - what some people do with wine, particularly at Christmas Excited - former partner is summoned to appear in a court of law Vaseline - the ring like mark an ornamental jar full of flowers can sometimes make on wood if you don't put it on a coaster Lassitude - what the canine star of the big screen did before her teeth fell out Halloween - how a Scottish person might greet a small child Rapidity - an extremely fast poem or song Kindred - a very pleasant, easy going Communist Feculent - person of Irish origin who borrowed a tenner off you and as never seen again Artefacts - interesting info about the art world e.g. Picasso was born in Malaga, The Mona Lisa's in The Louvre, Tracey Emins is rubbish Machinations - identical twins from the Far East Bouffant - shout disapproval and make booing noises when you see a horrible typeface Consolidate - prisoner who finished his hunger strike Cellulite - what electricity companies pretty much do Unicorn - bad, cheesy jokes delivered by a castrated man Abattoir - that time in France when only Benny, Bjorn and Agnetha turned up for the gig Furious - before paper became popular, signed documents (IOUs) acknowledging debt were often made of the soft hair of mammals Hirsute - ladies outfit, worn mostly for business purposes Hermits - a lovely pair of ladies gloves Dandelion - large animal of the cat family that is overly concerned to the point of obsession about its appearance Obesity - large town where only recipients of the Order of the British Empire are allowed to live Electrical - what you get at the polling station when the turn out is quite low co-habit - applies to someone who is addicted to starting up new business i.e. 'he's got a bad co-habit' Bigamist - heavy Italian fog Effluent - Someone who uses the F word a lot in everyday conversation Feckless - An Irish person without a sexual partner Confound - Escaped prisoner recaptured Condense - Fool a thick person Evacuee - someone who signed up for several social networks before deciding to give the digital world a miss Judgmental - term of derision used for court official when sentence is grossly unfair i.e. hit & run driver given 6 months, suspended Converse - An old lag trying to get in touch with the feminine/creative side whilst banged up in chokey by writing poetry Module - Christmas celebration, particularly popular in the 1960s with a youth subculture that originated in London and spawned The Who. Embalm - Lip Salve said to be favoured by The head of MI6 and Bond's superior in Ian Fleming's James Bond series Feckless - what Irish couples do when they get married and kids come along Disestablishment - Declare rather loudly 'this place is a bit of a shithole' whilst in a restaurant or bar Fundamental - Give money/arms to an insane despot Foccacia - what Bob Geldof might say if asked to give money to Asia whilst he's reading out a phone number for LiveAid Troglodyte - Member of the 60s pop rock combo who was vehemently opposed to changes in industrial methods Innate - had a pub lunch Hammock - to make fun of a pig Aromatic - a self-loading bow Rummage - time of life when senility can start to set in. Palmistry - an enigmatic friend who you never quite know enough about Aerobic - a chocolate biro Dialysis - to call a female sibling using an old fashioned telephone Aggrandize - the sad moment your mum or dad's mum passes away Jojoba - what Santa might say if he was a sheep Polyunsaturated - a parrot that manages to remain dry throughout the rainy season Bandicoot - small black water bird that walks like John Wayne |
